Anger Was My Best Friend

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.

Proverbs 29:11 NIV

I never forgot the moment I decided I didn’t want kids—at least not until I began my healing journey from being angry at the world. When I say I was angry, I mean I was mad at everyone—from childhood to present day. I would often daydream about being a mother, and those visions were filled with smiles and precious babies. But when I turned the focus inward, it was dark—far from precious. I could see clearly that if I didn’t pursue healing, I would become an angry mom. And that was something I absolutely didn’t want to be.

Fast forward two years, and I found out I was pregnant with my eldest daughter. Life was going pretty well. We were nearing the end of the pandemic and finally enjoying everyday life again. Having a baby wasn’t the plan, but it was a wonderful surprise. I thought I’d be a joyful mom-to-be, and even more joyful once she arrived. But that wasn’t the case. Depression, resentment, and anger took over.

Don’t worry—there came a time when I was delivered from depression. But resentment and anger still lingered in the background.

Everyday life got busy. I was working full time, starting a business, and raising a child. Many days, the exhaustion overwhelmed the anger and resentment. I honestly forgot I was still mad. That is, until I was laid off from my job, found out I was pregnant with my youngest just a few months later, and couldn’t afford therapy anymore. That’s when the resentment and anger resurfaced.

But how do you process anger? I wasn’t the one who hurt me—someone else was. Shouldn’t they be the ones responsible for fixing the parts of me they broke?

I was wrong. Really wrong.

I learned that healing doesn’t work like that. You forgive not for them, but for you. Forgiveness is a selfish act—a healthy, selfish act.

I learned that lesson, but I struggled to apply it. So I stayed angry for another 365 days. Internally, I was miserable. It got to the point where, when someone pushed the wrong buttons, I would explode. I said things I didn’t mean—mean things. I noticed that when I was especially tired from parenting, I was quicker to anger. It started affecting how I parented. When my children didn’t listen, I was short and aggressive in my redirection. They fed off my negative energy, and our home no longer felt like a joyful place.

I had reached my breaking point. Everything I didn’t want to become as a mom—I was becoming. Something had to change.

It started with joining a church service, where God had a message just for me. The pastor taught about tackling anger, and I want to share what I learned that day:

Do not suppress or repress your anger. God is omnipresent—He already knows what’s in your heart. But He wants you to bring your concerns to Him, openly and honestly. When you feel anger, the best tool you can have is a delayed response. And while you’re delaying—pray.

Psalm 141:3–4 says:

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil so that I take part in wicked deeds along with those who are evildoers; do not let me eat their delicacies.”

Moms, if you are angry, please know these three things:

Your mouth directs where you go.
It can destroy what you have.
It displays who you are.

I want to go to great places—and anger doesn’t live there. I want what I have to flourish—anger doesn’t water my seeds. I want to reflect God’s love—anger doesn’t build that character.

It’s okay to acknowledge your anger. But we must work through it—so we can be healed and happy moms, raising healed and happy children.

What techniques are you going to use to help you process anger?

Your fellow Able Mom,

Nkoya Kidd

Heavenly Father, Help me release the anger and resentment that weigh me down. Fill my heart with Your peace, and teach me to respond with grace instead of frustration. Set a guard over my mouth, and guide my actions so that I reflect Your love—especially as a mother. Give me strength to forgive, patience to grow, and wisdom to create a home filled with joy and healing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Connect With Nkoya:

Instagram: @na.co.wa

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Website: warriornori.com

Email: nkoyakidd@gmail.com

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